Oops

Day 33

Friday, oh Friday.

Friday started off well, with HBE, nuts, and fruit for breakfast

then the cafe gave the brare free gourmet cookies. i have done so well resisting the barrage of heinous delights that my coworkers put out for the taking at work on the daily. but i didn't resist today. the cafe makes decent cookies. a few of us headed back to the lunch area to take a load off and eat free cookies. a macadamia nut cookie -- one of my favorites -- stared up at me. i ated it. drat. but i thought, it's OK. this is a challenge -- keyword being challenge. this is my cheat for the day and weekend. all is well. when the challenge ends, i plan to maintain the paleo way of eating, which means the challenge has been successful for me. however, i will be less rigid about it. i will take the primal approach -- go for 80% clean eating, and a realistic 20% indulgence, limiting the indulgence as much as i can without sacrificing the enjoyment of food. we all must strive to balance accepting food as cultural celebration on the one hand, and fuel on the other.

you know what sucks? the cookie wasn't a worthwhile cheat. it wasn't that good. but i ate the whole thing hoping it would get better w/ each bite. ever done that?

lunch: paleo chicken loaf and sauce and spinach/pepper veggies

crossfit: 3 mile run WOD. my times: 9:00, 9:16, & 9:09. 9:00 is my fastest mile yet; i was v. pleased.

and then more bad happened. day 33 was my worst day by far. i binged. yes, i binged.

i came home and ate the last of my paleo loaf and sauce. so yum.

eric was not home, and wouldn't get home until late. i spied eric's dessert in the fridge -- a chocolate ganache cake for 2 from publix that we used to buy and eat together. guess what? i ated that, too! only 1/2, but dang. was so good. yet i should NOT have eaten it! what's wrong with me? two sinful sweet cheats in one day? and it does not stop there. i felt antsy and hungry for salty naughty goodness. in my former, pre-crossfit/paleo life, i would indulge in a bag of evil salty snacks or something sinfully milk chocolate on the regular. unfortunately for day 33, eric bought his usual array of naughty delights --pizza, peanuts, pretzels, cheese, crackers, etc. -- at the store on thursday night. sucks to have these foods around me all the time, but i successfully have shunned the evil over the past 33 days. until last night. when i ate pretzels. they called out to me and i ate some. then i put them back in the cupboard and said no more. then i went back to the cupboard and shoved my face w/ more. then i scolded myself. stopped. chilled. and then got up and went back to the cupboard for more. at that point i wanted to pour water on the bag of evil and shove it in the trash and spit on it and curse at it, but they are eric's pretzels, so i couldn't do that. :/ i suck. i fell off the wagon. why why why did i do that?

damn those pretzels for tasting so good. and they did. taste good. curses.

day 34

woke up to the knowledge that i had binged. decided to call it a new day. do what i like to do. i ate paleo pancakes for breakfast and lunch with extra egg and raspberries and apple. put a little honey on the cakes because they taste better with honey. feeling better. have resisted the pretzels. now for dinner...?